Now I'm old

I just recently turned 30. I was not young before, but now I'm actually old by 20-something standards. Being thirty means all sorts of terrible things!

- I qualify to be a Senator of the US (but not a President, yet)
- Eminem says I can no longer comprehend his music and he doesn't want me buying his albums
- My very best sexual years are over and now I have only mediocre sexual years left
- I can now adopt from China if I were married
- I qualify for over 50 different "old person" Financial Aid programs if I was in college
- I can now start a full-featured deferred pension plan
- My chances of conceiving a baby are even lower than they were before (though being male they were already pretty small)
- My upper eyelids begin to droop, fine lines appear under the eyes, frown lines and wrinkles become prominent; doctors recommend blepharoplasty, skin resurfacing, and botox
- if I was a half-orc I would lose 1 point of Strength
- as an Old Person, law dictates that I must now vote Republican
- taking methamphetamines now has a significant chance of causing heart attack
- the ancient Sumerian golden rule for marriage (women should be half your age plus five) means I should marry a 20 year old, who would probably still be in college and be fairly annoying
- my body will now lose 1/2 lb muscle per year while gaining 1 1/2 lbs fat, unless I somehow were to work harder at physical fitness. To impress the 20 year olds. Right...
- if I was a sea turtle I'd be a mature adult now
- it would be almost impossible for me to get into the military voluntarily now

So at least I got that going for me.

Gin sucks

I don't really get how people can drink this gin stuff. I bought some gin to go with my tonic, you know, try something different instead of vodka. But it smells so damned bad! It smells like some sort of topical ointment you're supposed to rub on a rash. It ruined my tonic, and my tonic was diet tonic. It has no calories. It's hard to ruin fizzy water.

And I tried really hard to buy vermouth so I could make this drink that's supposed to have vermouth in it. But I couldn't find vermouth, and neither could the store guy I asked. He wanted me to ask the counter girl, but I didn't have enough credits on my Manhood Card to be able to ask TWO people for directions. So I have no vermouth. I have this applejack cider stuff, which tastes... well, better than gin, I guess, but not really useable unless I had this vermouth stuff (whatever that is) so that I could mix them. So it's sort of mocking me. Right now I'm drinking a nothing and tonic. Sad state of affairs I must tell you.